By Angye Fox (http://www.foxxxyforum.com)
Angye Fox owns an ad agency that specializes in clothing-optional resorts and other adult-related businesses. From her experiences as a nudist, Ms Fox was introduced to the “lifestyle” or swinging. About 70% of nudists are also swingers. She teaches a Swinger 101 class to newbies every last “Hump Day” of the month at a local Tampa swing club. She starts out her classes with a cocktail meet & greet. Followed by role playing with an experienced swinger couple and the definitions of slang used by swingers. Here is an excerpt from one of her classes:
The Lifestyle – Sometimes known to as “Swinging”, the Lifestyle refers to singles or couples who are typically in a committed relationship who consensually agree to engage in sexual activities with others as a form of recreation or social interaction.
Lifestylers – the people who are involved in “Lifestyle” activities.
Newbies – People who are new to the lifestyle
Vanillas – People who are not in the lifestyle
“Play” – When lifestylers ask if you want to “play” that are asking to go have some type of sexual activity with you.
Hall Pass – the approval a couple gives to one another to go play with another person alone.
Playroom – An area or various areas, typically at an onpremise club or at a house party, designated for sexual activity. Sometimes these rooms have “themes” such as The Tantra Temple, the Dungeon, the Dark Room, Ladies Only and the Chocolate Room.
- The Tantra Temple is for people interested in Tantric sex, or the practice of delaying orgasm.
- The Dungeon is geared toward couples interested in bondage and discipline and/or sado-masochism.
- The Dark Room is just that – a dark room. What you encounter and with whom you encounter it is all mystery.
- Ladies Only – for ladies looking to indulge their sexual side with other ladies
- Chocolate Room – even though you may be envisioning being drizzled with Nestle’s, this one refers to something equally enticing – a room full of beautiful African-American men and/or women interested in spending time with YOU.
Soft Swap – When couples exchange partners but do not engage in sexual intercourse. Often oral sex is involved.
Full swap – when couples exchange partners and DO engage in sexual intercourse.
Bareback – Having unprotected sex. This is not widely practiced in the Lifestyle.
Unicorn – A single woman in the Lifestyle.
Bi-sexuality – Bi–sexuality is fairly common among women in the Lifestyle and there are a myriad of preferences including:
- Bi-curious – A woman who does not have a lot, if any, experience being with another woman and is interested in trying it
- Bi-comfortable – As Katy Perry says, “I kissed a girl and I liked it”
- Bi-selfish – A woman who is fine with a woman being sexual with her, but is not interested in reciprocating.
Bi-sexuality among men is not encouraged or seen in most Lifestyle venues in the United States.
Why do people get into the Lifestyle?
People decide to get into the Lifestyle for all sorts of reasons. The ones we hear about the most often are:
- people want to add a new sexual dimension to their already healthy sex life
- they like the idea of having a circle of good friends with benefits
- the woman is interested in exploring her sexual side with other women
- the couple is interested in having a threesome (typically with another woman, but not always).
- They like the idea of being watched by other people while they have sex (but not necessarily interested in involving other people)
- They like to be in a sexually-charged atmosphere in which women, especially, can dress openly in a seductive manner and couples can be affectionate and sexual with each other and others in public places.
When should people NOT get into the lifestyle
- They are unhappy in their current relationship and think that having sex with other people will fix it. It won’t.
- Your current relationship has trust, honesty or major jealousy issues. If you can’t look your partner in the eye and tell him or her that you want to engage in sexual activity with someone else, the Lifestyle probably is not for you.
- If only ONE of you thinks that being in the Lifestyle sounds like an intriguing idea, then you probably don’t want to go there. Don’t ever force, cajole, pressure, intimidate and insist that your partner try this. If you aren’t on the same page, it won’t work.
Are there different “levels” of sexual activity that we could indulge in?
- Absolutely! Whatever you comfort level is – that is where you should be.
- If you are looking for a threesome with another woman, great.
- If you want to get together with another couple but are only comfortable with going as far as oral sex – often referred to as “soft swap” – then just be up front with the couples you are talking with that that is your comfort level.
- If you are fine with full swap, but only want to do it on the same bed as your partner, then that works!
- If you are OK with full swap in separate rooms, then full speed ahead!
- You may start at one level and move on to try something else – or you may start at one place and decide that that is what works for you long term. And that is the perfect place for you to be.
Where do we go to meet other lifestylers? Lifestyle swing sites
There are on-line lifestyle dating services such as Kasidie or SwingLifestyle – they are like Match.com with a sexy twist. You post pictures and information on yourself and then you can reach out to other couples or a single who looks interesting to you, and others will reach out to you, all via the website. Then, once you decide that you want to meet a couple or single, you can set up a place to meet in person – maybe for drinks or dinner. If you hit things off, you can make arrangements to go somewhere for a more intimate date, either that same night or in the future.
On some of the on line sites, you will see people posting “booty calls”, where one or the other of the partners will have permission for a “hall pass” to go out and play with someone that that may or may have not met before – a sexual blind date, as it were.
Lifestyle clubs/house parties/meet and greets
- On Premise Clubs – These clubs have playrooms that can be used by a single couple, threesomes, foursomes or more. If a couple would like to be uninterrupted, they should use a room that has a door or curtain on it that they can close. Even if the curtain is sheer and others can look it, a closed curtain is just like a closed door and signifies do not enter. Conversely, if you are open to having others join you, then leave the door or curtain open.
- House parties – these are get togethers that people hold in their homes. Sometimes people will post information about house parties on swing sites. Often times couples will go play in the bedrooms of the home.
- Meet and greets – these are non-sexual get togethers often held in hotel or restaurant bars. This is just an occasion for lifestyle couples to meet each other to chat. If they feel there is a good chemistry between themselves and another couple, they can exchange contact information.
All of these types of get-togethers can be found on the various lifestyle websites.
Conventions/ Travel
Some people love to combine traveling with the Lifestyle. There are a variety of lifestyle conventions put on all across the country. Swingfest is one of the largest and one of the best.
There are travel agencies that specialize in Lifestyle Travel that book clients into Lifestyle-specific resorts all around the world, as well as on cruises that cover the globe, and Lifestyle conventions across the country.
Lifestyle-specific travel gives people an opportunity to see new places, meet new people and perhaps find some people with whom you have good chemistry. The chemistry can lead you to anything from a one night stand to a lifelong friendship (polyamory) as well as a great opportunity to have new friends all across the country who are often willing to take you in should you be passing through on future travels!